He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
