if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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