just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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