my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
