you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
