The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
