Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
