Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
