So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
