Having a random hookup so left but love u
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
