just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
