you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
