I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Randomize
