Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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