My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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