return my video game
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
