I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
