Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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