if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
