Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
