her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
