Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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