he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
