So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
