i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
