Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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