i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
