I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
