K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
