I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
