you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
