literally had 100 drinks last night.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
