I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
