Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
