why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
