I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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