Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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