Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
