Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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