I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
