I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
