oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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