is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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