i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
