I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
