I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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