He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
