I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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