there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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