I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
i need some magic done to my vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
