All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Randomize
