Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
