his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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